I joined Coffee and Contacts, a dynamic women’s networking group here in the Triangle, about 2 weeks ago. In my experience, networking has been a nourishing experience for my business–each contact is like a plate of good food, supercharging my business and making it healthy and robust. Since joining, I’ve already made some great contacts!

I also had a chance to turn my musical experience into a helpful presentation called “Making Your Presentations Memorable”. Today, I shared some of the techniques that help me take the stage with confidence, and showed the women in the audience how to use these skills to make their business communication more exciting and effective. It was a great experience, and I can’t think of any better way to celebrate Summerglen’s anniversary.

And now, on to year #3!

This morning after a church gig, I was on the receiving end of some unsolicited advice from a decidedly rude audience member. With an air of condescension in his voice, this man gave me an impromptu “lesson” on how to properly lead off a piece of music. Infuriating! I didn’t know this man from Adam, and hadn’t asked him for his opinion on anything.

A problem I often run into as a musician has to do with the way I look. I weigh 100 pounds soaking wet, and if I wear the right outfit, I can easily pass for an eighth grader. On gigs, I’m regularly asked what grade I’m in, and when I play clubs, the bouncers suspiciously eye the birthdate on my driver’s license. Looking like a kid can be fun, but sometimes it becomes a source of frustration simply because it invites unwanted criticism. Often this advice is well-intended, but it stems from assumptions that I am young, green, and hungry for someone’s “words of wisdom”.

After encountering this particular fellow’s “words of wisdom,” I was hot with anger, embarassment, and resentment. For a moment I thought, “Forget this! I should just quit playing! After all, everyone has something rotten to say about what I do!” This is very common, because having some stranger come up and arrogantly critique you is super-disheartening. However, when we work through this frustration and embarassment, we can become stronger both as performers and as people.

As I calmed down and thought it out, I realized that there was much to learn from this guy:

1. It’s easy to naysay from the sidelines. When you’re not out there with a horn on your face, doing your thing and taking risks, it’s easy to make snide comments about those who are. If you are out there doing, what’s the use of listening to someone who’s merely sitting?

2. Some people are just waiting for you to make mistakes! The element of my performance that the man criticized happened during the warm-up, before the service even began. Despite all the great stuff I played during the service, this guy held on tightly to those couple of clinkers I played an hour earlier. Some people are overgrown schoolyard bullies, only feeling good about themselves when they knock others down. We, however, have a choice today, whether we stay down or get back up and keep going.

3. People make misguided assumptions. I would bet you two bucks that I became the target of criticism because I look like a young student. In reality, though, I was one of the only professional musicians in the group. This was a wake-up call to me; I don’t like being judged by my cover, so I should be careful not to judge others by theirs. When I’m tempted to judge others, I must realize that I probably don’t have enough information to do so! I must even give today’s critic the benefit of the doubt–he was probably honestly trying to help.

One of the most beautiful things about life is that no matter how bad an experience may feel, we can almost always find a jewel of understanding hidden somewhere inside. Even though unwanted advice can hurt at first, we have the opportunity to use it to strengthen ourselves in the long run.

What are some ways you deal with critics? Have you ever had a bad review become a source of strength?

The speech for the Wake County Women Business Owners Network went very well!

My presentation was designed to teach business owners the skills of performers, to help them promote their businesses more easily. In the presentation, I offered 5 tips to help build the inner confidence needed to perform well and feel comfortable in front of a group. And in preparing for today’s meeting, I used the 5 tips as well.

They work! A lady actually came up to me afterwards and commented on how confident I was!

It was a pleasure speaking to this fine group of women business owners, and I look forward to seeing them again at the meeting next month! (Check it out if you’re in Raleigh!)